Death Note, Drugs, and Car Chases Oh My!
by Mira-Fangs
Summary: The Death Note characters moved to San Fransisco, California. now they want to go to an anime convention in New York City, but Ryuk's afraid of planes. That leaves our heroes stuck in a big blue van together for a week. MxM, LxL, major cross over, crack!
1. A Ludo Encounter

Death Note, Drugs, and Vampires Oh My!

L, Light, Misa, Matsuda, Near, Mello, Matt, Ryuk, and Rem all moved to San Francisco, California after the Kira Case was "solved". Now they all want to go to an anime convention in NYC. There's just one problem though: Ryuk is afraid of planes, so our heroes are going to be stuck in a big blue van with each other for a week. Along the way, they run into some rather strange characters…

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the song Girls on Trampolines, Ludo does. Nor do i own Death Note. If I did, Near would be the dead one.

**Warning: **This story contains LxLight, MelloxMatt, swearing, drug use, a few big words, and randomness. If ya can't handle it, LEAVE!

**Don't know what Ludo is? Check my profile for a link to the full lyrics to the song used in this chapter!**

Chapter One: A Ludo Encounter

"Hey Light"

"What, Matsuda?" Light sighed for the one-hundred-eighty-second time.

"Are we there yet?"

"No, Matsuda, we are not there yet, seeing as how we just left the house five minutes ago. Now shut up and let me drive!"

"I believe Light-kun suffers from a bad case of road-rage. Chance that Light-kun is Kira up by 3." L mumbled.

"How the hell does road-rage make me Kira?!"

"Funny, Light-kun, but I did not seem to hear you object to my accusation."

"L, if you try to accuse me of being Kira one more time after that damn case is already solved, I can't be held responsible for what I'll do to you." Light's threat was rewarded by a metallic click that he knew all to well. Sighing with frustration at what he was certain was now clamped around his wrist, he slowly looked down to see… the handcuffs.

"Ryuzakiiii!" Misa whined from the other side of L, "please not this again! I don't want you watching me and Light-kun, you pervert!"

"Light-kun, please control your girlfriend and keep your eyes on the road."

"I can't do both! Get Mello to deal with her."

"Mello, if you would?" L pleaded as he turned his panda-like gaze to Mello in the back of the van.

"I'm on it!" shouted the mafia boss with glee as a Gatlin Mini appeared from nowhere and was promptly pointed at Misa.

"Mello! Put that thing away! Or do you _want_ Rem to kill you?" Matt said, amazing his traveling companions that he had even noticed anything past his DS.

"Fine, but I want to sit next to Light-kun!" Misa pouted.

"Before you said you wanted a window seat," Light growled.

"I do, but I also want to sit next to Light-kun!"

"Well, since I'm obviously the only person sane enough in this entire van to drive, I don't think you can have both."

"Then I'll switch with Ryuzaki."

"Negative, Misa-san. I don't want hyper model harassing out driver," L said, then added under his breath, "plus I seem to have misplaced the key."

"_WHAT _did you just say?!" Light scream.

"I… err… Nothing, Light-kun." _Better to let him just find out on his own, he's mad enough now._

Light was wondering whether or not to strangle the detective right here and now with the chain, but he was interrupted by Ryuk while wondering where he could dump the body.

"Hey guys, where are the apples?" Ryuk asked.

"I believe Near has them," said L.

"I gave them to Matt," said the albino.

"I gave 'em to Mello," said the gamer.

"I… well… there wasn't enough room for them with Matt's games, Near's toys, L's candy, my chocolate, and Misa's beauty products so I left them at home," Mello said, trying to cover were he though his name would be over his head so the angered shinigami couldn't kill him.

"Uhh, guys, before you kill each other, you should know that I do have this," Matsuda said, holding up a _chocolate covered apple._

"Matsuda, do you have a death wish?" Rem asked with a surprisingly Ryuk-like grin on … her?… face.

"What do you mean?" Matsuda asked, still blissfully unaware of the horrible danger he'd just put himself in.

Light growled and tried to pull over, but the snack-fiends were too fast. In mere seconds, Mello, L, and Ryuk had launched themselves at Matsuda - conveniently located in the middle of the van - and engaged in a vicious slap fight on top of the poor cop.

L had messed up Misa's hair when he flew over the seat back, and she leapt into the fray for revenge, soon followed Rem who was intent on protecting her. Soon enough, Matt's DS and Near's robot were snatched to use as weapons, sending them into the writhing mass of anime characters. Eventually, after being kicked in the head several times, Light had pulled off the road and tried to break up the fight, but succeeded only in being the ninth participant.

Eventually, the fight spilled out of the van and onto the shoulder of the high-way, where Misa found a lovely tire and proceeded to bash Ryuk over the head with it.

"Stop calling me Kira!" Light screamed as he got L into a head lock.

"Kira Kira Kira Kira Kira KIRA!!" L chanted, trying to toss Light onto the ground.

"We'll see who's a better successor for L once I beat you to a bloody pulp!" Mello screamed, laughing hysterically and clawing at Near with nails long enough to draw blood.

"Who took my DS?! I was on level eighty fucking four!" Matt screamed as he all but turned the van upside down and inside out in his maddened search.

By now, L had succeeded in freeing himself from Light and was now sitting on the teen in his usual fashion, poking him relentlessly. Ryuk has also escaped his attacker, but was reduced to running around in little circles like a beheaded chicken, lest he get within range of Misa's tire.

Rem and Matsuda had managed to escape the epic battle, and were now cowering in terror on top of the van.

"How did you get up here, anyway?" Rem asked the bruised cop.

"… I don't really know."

Rem just gave him one of those 'how can a police officer who works with L be so damn stupid?' looks and grumbled, "I guess I should go help Misa beat up Ryuk."

"I think if anyone can beat up a shinigami using nothing more than a tire, it's Misa. She'll be fine."

"True 'dat!" Rem shouted and randomly leapt to her feet, throwing one fist into the air. This show of extreme out-of-characterness made the rest of our heroes pause and gaze at her questioningly when all of a sudden…

three very strange teens appeared from thin air!

"Hold it right there, Rem!" the one with super-short hair yelled after blowing a whistle.

"Yea, who said you could suddenly be cool?" questioned the shortest of the three.

"Yea! You killed L! L killers don't deserve to be cool!" screamed the blond.

"I'm dead?" L whimpered and clung to Light's leg, crying softly.

"Now look what you did Crowtar! you made L cry!" said the first.

"Hey, don't blame me, Poque! Blame Rem!" said the third.

"Who are you guys, anyway?" Matt asked as he lit a cigarette.

"Matt! Don't smoke, it'll kill you!" yelled the second teen as she snatched it.

"Hehe, yea, cigs are as deadly as road blocks." snickered the blond, apparently named Crowtar.

"Crowtar! Stiney! Stop messin' with Matt! You wanna make him cry too?" yelled Poque.

"… Can we mess with Near instead?" they asked in unison.

"Sure, go ahead."

"L! protect me!" Near screamed as he tried to free himself from Mello and the two extremely hyper teens.

"How can I protect you? I'M DEAD!!" L wailed, still clinging to Light's leg.

"Aww, L's hugging Light! Kyaaa!" the three screamed.

"Who are you guys, anyway?" asked a very annoyed Light.

Suddenly they all leapt one top of the van, pushing off Rem and Matuda in the process, and got into very dramatic poses.

"We're the plot fairies in this story! We uphold drama and amazingness!"

"And don't forget randomness!" said Crowtar, who had randomly grown cat ears and a tail.

"… Plot … fairies…?" Mello asked, one eye-lid twitching ever so slightly.

"Hai! You betta' believe it! Very yes!" the plot fairies yelled in turn.

"So you guard the plot of our story with… fairy magic…?" Light asked.

"Hai! You bett-"

"OK, OK, we don't need that again! So, if I give you stuff, you'll make the plot do things in my favor?" Light asked, trying to look as smexy as he could with a panda-like detective clinging to him.

"No we won't kill L, Mello, Matt, and Near to get them out of your way so you can be the god of a new world!" Crowtar said and smacked him over the head with her fairy wand. "Well… I might kill Near if you really want me too…"

This last statement got her smacked over the head with Poque's wand.

"Anyway, we're here because this story isn't progressing… at all! WE NEED MORE ACTION!" Stiney screeched.

"How were we planning to do that again?" poque asked.

"We could try this!" Crowtar yelled as she snatched the tire Misa had been using to beat Ryuk and hurled it at random oncoming traffic.

The tire hit a car and sent it careening into a near-by tree. Out piled six men. One looked a little green around the gills, and proceeded to puke on one of his friends.

"Dude!"

"Sorry _John_." said the one who puked, who was apparently very _drunk_.

"Here! I'll help you clean it up!" said one of the men who seemed to be a rather _nice guy_.

The other three men where just standing around, worrying about their _ride_, hugging a bag a bag of _weed_ seeds, or making _party_ arrangements. That's when a police cruiser pulled up and _three officers _stepped out. The man hugging the seeds wasn't watching where he was going, plowed into them, and droped all of his seeds at their feet.

Officer one said, "lookie here son I hate speeding MIPs who have seeds and hit trees!"

One and Two wanted to beat 'em, and kill 'em, and eat 'em, but differed to Officer Three, who said, "I hear there's a shindig behind Burger King, and I hear there's girls and trampolines. the tree looks fine and the driver's clean, so just give them girls on trampolines… but those rather shady characters over there have to be brought in. For all we know they could be a bunch of mass murderers and mafia bosses."

At this, good old Mello leapt into action by grabbing all of his friends, - including the plot fairies - shoved them into the van, and drove off at a speed that made poor L hide behind Matsuda and Ryuk in an attempt to save himself for when they crashed, 'cuz they definitely would.

"You know, that whole scene back there seemed kinda familiar…" said crowtar.

"Yea, kinda like a song I heard somewhere… now what was it called…" mumbled Stiney.

"Are we running from the cops?" Poque asked, this being the first relevant thing said since they all got back in the van.

"Yes." Matt said as he rolled down a window and fired a smoke bombed out of it to lose the cops.

"That seemed familiar too… and if my calculations are correct… we could be in a horrible chain of events involving the plan of someone in this very vehicle going horribly wrong and resulting in the deaths of some really cool people…" Said Crowtar.

"Nah, yer just imagining things." Stiney said cheerfully.

"Here Matt, drive while I shoot those cops, they're getting' really damn annoying." Mello snarled. In moments he had popped out the sun roof and started letting bullets fly.

"Does he know that's only making them want to catch us even more?" Matsuda asked.

"He probably just doesn't care. He's had a rough day, what with L eating his chocolate and all." Matt replied in a sad attempt to justify his lover's actions.

"Don't blame me, put that video game away, and SLOW DOWN!" L - who had released the cop and shinigami and proceeded to stick his head behind Light much like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand - screamed. This was rewarded with a very high-pitched and Misa-like 'Kyaaa!' from the three plot fairies. Matt continued to drive like the speed demon he was.

"Matt, just do it, your going to give the poor panda a heart attack." Light said.

"70 chance that Light-Kun is Kira!"

After L had received a good slapping from Light, Misa yelled, "Misa-Misa and Matsuda-Kun have an idea!"

The plot fairies all exchanged 'should we be scared for our lives?' looks and Mello asked if it involved explosives.

"No, but it's a good idea!" Matsuda said, giving Mello puppy-dog eyes.

"… I'll go along with it if you promise never to look at me like that again." he said.

And before anyone knew what had happened, they had pulled over and dressed up as hippies with stuff they found in the back of the van.

"So… how is this discreet?" a ticked off Light asked.

"And why the hell was all this shit in there?" Mello snarled.

"I don't know, but I kinda like it." Matt said.

"You would." Near hissed.

"Aww, is the creepy albino allergic to colorful clothes?" Mello teased.

"L, would killing the inventor of tye-dye make me more likely to be Kira?"

"I believe he is already dead, Light-Kun. And yes, yes it would."

"Hey guys, what's our signal if we see any cops?" asked Matsuda.

"Sing 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds!'" Crowtar said, or rather yelled, except everything she said was a yell.

"I though we agreed on 'All You Need is Love?'" Ryuk asked.

"It doesn't matter! As soon as I see a cop I'll blow their brains out!" Mello snarled, caressing his gun.

"Mello! put that gun away! Your blowing our cover!" Matt said.

"I'm not feelin' the harmony and good will anymore guys." Stiney whimpered.

"Why are you even still here?" Rem asked, still mad at the three for saying she couldn't be cool.

"Cuz we love you all that much!" Poque squealed and glomped Ryuk.

"Except Near." Crowtar pointed out.

Suddenly L screeched, "Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love. There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung. Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game. It's easy."

Light dropped his banjo - Misa tried to explain to him that hippies didn't have banjos, but he just didn't listen - and shoved everyone back into van, ranting something about L never being aloud to sing ever again 'cuz that was just too damn… sexy…?

Matt was driving like a maniac again, L was freaking out and hiding behind Light again, and Mello was shooting things… again.

that is until Matt screeched around a sharp turn in a huge cloud of smoke and the van spun to a stop in the middle of a blocked off intersection, exactly like when a certain gamer died.

"EEK! MELLO HIDE ME! I'M NOT GOING DOWN LIKE THIS!!" Matt screamed as he scrambled over the driver's seat and curled up into a ball on Mello's lap.

After recovering from the ensuing laughing fit, Crowtar said, "Well, as much fun as you guys in the slamma' will be, we'll be disappearing in an amazing cloud of smoke now."

The three then waved their wands in the air, which had very little effect.

"Ugh, I don't have time for this!" Poque snarled and grabbed Matt's smoke bomb gun and fired it at the floor of the van. After the smoke cleared, the three strange girls were no where to be found. The same could not be said for our heroes or the cops now dragging them out of the van and into the backs of police cruisers.

Well, there's the first chapter folks! I know it's kinda long, I'll try not to do that anymore. I would've cut it in half but I couldn't find a good way to do that. the plot fairies are me and my two best friends. Poque and Stiney are also my editors/co-writers/magical idea dispensers. i know I probably did the part with the song pretty badly, so for those of you who didn't get it, it's the bit of the song at the end that goes "cuz nice guy's talk of trampolines, makes drunk guy turn green, and he pukes on john fee and ride guy's ride hits a tree which causes weed guy to drop his seeds at the feet of officer 1, officer 2, and officer 3" i realize i kinda failed but hey, it's my first fan fic ever and it's a fairly tall order!

next time it's death note character's in jail!

and after that it's fear and loathing in las vegas!


	2. Of Barbers and Solitary Confinement

**Warning: contains shounen-ai (if you don't know what that means you fail at life) MxM/LxL, swearing, fluff, and intense randomness! if you can't handle it, LEAVE!!**

**Disclaimer:** It's Ohba and Obata's world, I'm just setting off small nuclear explosions in it. I also do not own Sweeny Todd or Sharpie Minies.

**AN:** I'm looking for a new title for this story since Anne Rice is mean and she won't let us use her stuff on this site and the vampire part of it is due totally to a certain smexy blond vamp's involvment. So if you have any ideas send em my way, they can't hurt.

* * *

Chapter 2: Of Barbers and Solitary Confinement

Light had fallen asleep in the police cruiser. When he woke up all he could see was L's face, upside down, and staring at him.

Light was startled.

Light jumped.

Light sent a panda-like detective flying across the cell into Ryuk's lap.

Ryuk started flapping his arms and screaming "get it off" repeatedly.

As L climbed off the disgruntled shinigami, Light gave him the death glare to end all death glares and hissed, "Why were you doing that?"

"The police refused to let me keep us chained together, so I decided to stare at you instead."

"Did you have to be that close?"

"I am getting the impression you don't want to be watched. Thus giving me the impression that you are doing something that would raise your chance of being Kira, thus your chance of being Kira has increased by 2" L said cockily as he shuffled back over to sit on the bench he was so rudely thrown off of.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have swiss cheese logic?"

"No"

"You have swiss cheese logic"

"In what way does my logic resemble cheese?"

"In the way that you use the holes in it to spring right to me being Kira!"

"You merely think my logic is cheesy because you are jealous... and Kira."

"How could I be jealous of an annoying, unkempt panda like you?! ...And I'm not Kira!"

"You two better stop making so much noise before I have to sit on you!" Mello shouted from the other side of the cell.

"Seriously! You sound like an old married couple!" said Matt.

Light gave Matt a death glare almost worse than the one he had given L and asked, "So were are Misa, Matsuda, and Near?"

"They thought Near was a kid and didn't jail him, Misa had enough money to bail herself out, and Matsuda got out of it with his police badge." Matt said.

While Light was internally cursing Misa for not bailing him out too so he didn't have to spend any more time than he had too with these lunatics, L had shuffled over to bars and was trying to convince the guards that he was a detective.

"Do you have any identification?" asked the guard, who was obviously very bored.

"Umm… not on me. If I could make a call I could get it." _'Maybe.'_

"Here," sighed the guard as he handed L his cell phone.

After a few beeps that went perfectly in tune to twinkle twinkle little star, L held the phone to his ear and waited for Watari to pick up.

"_Moshe Moshe."_

"Watari, do I have any documents identifying me as a real detective?"

"_No."_

"Am I even really an official detective?"

"_No."_

"Lovely… could you please get in our private jet and bail me out of jail?"

"_Did Mello shoot things again?_"

"yes, Mello did shoot things. And there was a car chase and I'm wearing tye-dye and there's no candy. HURRY."

"_On my way."_

"Thank you." L shut the phone and handed it back to the guard.

"It appears I was never officially made a detective so there are no papers but I have a friend coming with bail money." he informed the guard.

"Nice." he said, still very bored, and continued his patrol.

Then Mello started crying.

"What's wrong Mells?" Matt asked, hugging him.

"They… took… all my… CHOCOLATE!!"

"Aww, It's ok. We'll be out of here soon and then we can buy you all the chocolate you want!"

"Speaking of chocolate, whatever happened to that apple?" Ryuk asked.

"We left it on the side of the highway." Light sneered.

The three snack fiends exchanged looks of great remorse before huddling together to formulate a plan to get it back, not even caring when Light pointed out that it had probably been carried away by ants long ago.

Hours past. Slowly the realization that they'd be in an American jail somewhere between San Francisco and Las Vegas over night set in.

Meal time wasn't fun. There was no sugar, they weren't sure if what they were eating was from Earth or not, and they couldn't find anywhere to sit. Eventually Mello got in a fight over some chairs with a very large, well muscled guy and his gang.

Said thugs got laughed at for the next three years by their fellow inmates for getting beaten to a pulp by a girl.

Mello was put in isolation.

Matt was sad.

other than that, their stay wasn't that hectic. That is until about four in the morning when someone took Mello's place in their cell.

"Oh my god it's Sweeny Todd!" L screamed. (After saying this a pink, heart shaped sticky note appeared on his forehead. When he peeled it off and read it, it said this: _Just because Sweeny Todd walked in doesn't make this a musical! No rhyming! Love Crowtar_)

"In the name of Mario! Those fairies are relentless!" Matt exclaimed, looming over L's shoulder to read the note.

"Wow… your hair's worse off than L's!" Light laughed, or maybe giggled, we're not quite sure.

"So uhh… why are you in America? ... And in jail?" L asked.

"Eh, that Lovett lady got annoying. I'm on vacation. Apparently old school barber knives are illegal in California."

"Everything's illegal in California! We can't set mouse traps without a freaking hunting license!" Matt whined.

"Yea! And we can't molest butterflies!" Ryuk said in a pathetic - and creepy - attempt to help.

"Ryuk, why would you want to molest a butterfly?" Light sighed, dishing out yet another death glare.

"It landed on my apple…"

"…smack…"

"Owy… why did you have to hit me? That wasn't very nice Light."

"You see what I have to deal with when you get them all riled up?" L asked Sweeny Todd. "I have to deal with this on a daily basis."

"I could arrange for something unfortunate to happen to them…"

"I'd like to see you try to kill me before I can kill you!" Light yelled, trying to get in a dramatic pose but only succeeding in putting his hands on his hips in a very girly manner.

"50!"

"Aw come on L! That makes a total of at least 130!"

"Is that a confession?"

"… smack…"

"Don't make me kick you in the face again."

"Ha! bring it on!"

And so L pounced Light.

And Light was beaten to a pulp so fast the guards didn't even notice so L escaped being stuck in isolation with a certain girly mafia boss with an attitude problem.

"And that, Kira, is why I am cool and you are a man-bitch."

"Ok that's it! Ryuk, gimmie the-" Fortunately, Light was unable to complete this highly incriminating sentence, for at that moment a guard walked up and announced the arrival of Watari.

They were lead through a labyrinth of corridors for what seemed like… 5 minutes… when it was really 10... teasing other prisoners who were still in the slamma' was just that fun.

Once they made it to the office, they met back up with Mello, who was in shackles, sitting on the floor, and pouting.

"Mells!" Matt yelled and skipped (yes, that's right folks, Matt skipped)

over to Mello and in every sense of the word, glomped him.

"Matty-Bear!" Mello squealed and somehow managed to return his boyfriend's glomp even though he had shackles on.

There were many exclamations of "Wow dawg, PDA" along with a few more hostile phrases that were quickly quelled by a death glare from Mello.

(It is a little know fact, but the one person on the entire planet more skilled at death glares than Light is Mello.)

Finally, Watari walked into the office from an adjacent office with a big box full of all the stuff the cops took out of their pockets when they locked them up.

Light literally flung himself at said box and tore it apart until he found his special watch.

After much tired driving, a fight over the last chocolate chip pancake, and Near making Mello cry, they finally found a half decent motel some where outside of Los Vegas.

That night when Light opened up the secret compartment in his watch to make sure the death note paper was still in there, he found another one of those pink heart sticky notes. This one said: _You should invest in sharpie minies! Love Poque_

Underneath the sticky note (which managed to stick itself to his ass) he found the death note paper.

'_Good,' _He thought, '_No annoying plot fairies have to die today.'_

He quietly crept back over to the bed, being extremely careful not to wake L. The detective had slammed them right back on his wrist as soon as they were out side of the jail, thus forcing them to sleep together.

'_Exactly as planned,'_ Light thought with an evil grin as he snuggled a little closer to _his _panda bear and stealthily planted a kiss on his cheek.

* * *

**AN:** So how was it? I tried to add a tad more yaoi fluff this time since there wasn't any between L and Light in the last one except the "Light thinks L's singing voice is sexy" thing. I'm just not that great at writing romantic stuff. hopefully this fanfic will help me in that department. If anyone has any ideas for who they should meet on their travels drop me a review! It'll most likely go on big map of the US i printed out and hung on my wall and put dots on every where they're gonna go! And it doesn't have to be in a direct line from California - New York. I'm probably going to continue it to all 50 states and Canda if I can come up with enough ideas cuz it's just that fun to write. ;P


	3. Fear and Brownies in Las Vegas part 1

**AN:** So, sorry i haven't updated in like... a really really long time. I've had really bad writers block and high school in my way. Plus it took a very long time for me to drug up my mind enough to be able to write Duke and Gonzo properly. Like, watch the movie, not understand what the hell just happened, then read FLCL, watch the Yellow Submarine, and eat TONS of candy till I was crazy enough then watch the movie like, 3 more times. I swear in the name of Count Chocula I will never ever take this long ever again unless something really big happens. Still looking for ideas on who the Death Note crew can meet and a new title for the story. Remember: there's no stupid suggestions, just stupid suggestors... if that's a word... it is now.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. or Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. If I did I wouldn't have to write this, now would I?**

**Warning: Contains MxM, LxL, LOTS OF DRUGS, swearing, and childishness. If you can't handle it, leave.**

* * *

Chapter 3, Fear and Brownies in Las Vegas part 1

The next morning, L had a rather rude awakening. Two of them, actually.

The first thing he noticed was a weight on his chest. A warm, soft weight.

Poor L, being rather stupid in his half-awake state, snuggled up to it even more. He was rather startled when his new blankie (because it was his, oh yes, it was) groaned and peered at him with sleep-hazed chocolate eyes.

Upon realize that his blankie was in fact Light, he did what anyone as calm and collected as him would do: scream like a little girl, thus making Light flail his arms and legs wildly and toppled off the bed.

"What was that for?!" Light screeched indignantly, "are you trying to make me lose my hearing along with my sanity?!"

"I believe _you_ were the one sprawling all over _my_ side of the bed, Light-Kun."

"You still didn't have to scream like a little girl," Light hissed.

"I most certainly did not scream like a little girl."

"Oh yes you did! It sounded like this! EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKK!!"

"… that was a very good imitation of a girl, Light-Kun. I'm proud of you."

"How is that something to be proud of?"

"… Sarcasm, my dear Light, sarcasm…"

At this, Light growling angrily and attempted to storm into the bathroom for a shower. Unfortunately, he forgot he was chained to the detective - again - and successfully slammed his head into the night stand.

Very hard.

Hard enough to knock poor L out cold.

It didn't last very long though, for mere minutes after this, a piercing scream was heard from Misa's room.

Now, Misa screams are loud. So loud, Light had theories about them waking the dead.

Regardless of whether or not he was right, it was still loud enough to wake an unconscious insomniac two rooms over.

Light sighed angrily and dragged L to his feet and out the door to Misa's room whilst grumbling something along the lines of 'Why the hell dose everyone feel like they have to scream? This is going to be a really damn long day.'

Light swung the door to Misa's room open as was greeted by the single strangest thing he may have ever seen in his entire life. And he had seen some pretty weird shit.

Misa was screaming something about an evil spider from hell being in her bed while hanging upside-down from the ceiling fan while Rem chased a spider the size of a dinner plate around the room.

Light was about to just turn around and walk away, but the arachnophobic model spotted him.

Poor thing.

"Light-kuuuuuuuuuuuun!! Help me!! KILL IT!!" Misa screamed.

_What does she want me to do? _light thought as he watched Rem continue to chase the spider around the room. _Write 'big hairy spider' in the death note?_

Rem chased the spider straight towards Light, and he missed his chance to smash it. Fortunately L was fully awake by this point, and slammed the door on it, slicing it in half with a sickening _squelch._

"No, it was more of _scrunch._" Poque announced when she appeared on L's shoulder.

"I say it was a _slch."_ Stiney said when she appeared on his other shoulder.

"What's wrong with good old _Squish?_" Crowtar asked from her perch in L's hair. (did I mention the plot fairies were Tinker Bell size? No? Well they are.)

"Shesh L, I love your hair and all, but you could drown kittens in this stuff." Crowtar complained and fought with a lock of hair that had itself convinced it was an anaconda and wanted to eat her.

"I'll save you!" Stiney yelled and attempted to climb up to the top of L's head.

All the while, the innocent detective was glaring Poque, who ever since appearing had been whispering 'knock knock' in his ear. Finally, out of sheer morbid curiosity no doubt, he submitted and asked, "Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow!" Poque whispered gleefully.

"… Interrupting cow -" L was unable to finish his sentence, for Poque had waved her little wand in the air and a cow appeared from thin air right on top of Rem.

"Knock knock?" Poque whispered again. Knowing that he'd have to ride this vicious cycle to the end, he again sighed "Who's there?'"

"Interrupting sloth!"

"… Interrupting… sloth… who…?" L stuttered out, as Poque held up one finger and slowly, oh so slowly, moved in to poke him.

"Ow?"

"Yes, that's right mortal, FEAR ME!! Knock, knock!"

"Grr… who's there?"

"Interrupting completely uncalled for."

"I'm scarred."

"You should be."

"No L!" Stiney suddenly yelled, dropping into in line of vision as she was dangling from a strand of hair. "Don't do it! This one's dangerous! There's no telling what she might do!"

"… Interrupting completely unca -" L was unable to finish his sentence yet again. This time because he couldn't breath.

"I hereby rename you, Letta!" Poque said with a truly evil grin on her face.

"Light-Kun, what has she done to me?" L(etta) asked once (s)he could breath again.

Light gave him a blank stare, one of those special kinds of blank stares you give someone who just grew a foot out of the top of their head. Or maybe even the kind of stare you'd give a man if their clothes magically turned into a very pink, very frilly dress. With sequins and lace and the occasional pom-pom. And a corset that made you unable to breath properly. (No, I did not put that image in you head, you put that there all on your own.)

"See, this is what happens when you ignore the Crowtar. I hope you're proud of yourself, L."

Then the rest of the Whammy boys showed up with cameras. L's day was officially ruined. If only he knew what was coming next, he might have been able to save himself.

Once Near, Matt, and Mello were done blinding him with flashing cameras, they noticed Matsuda wasn't there. The cop, no matter how useless at everything else, was a professional morning person. He should have been awake and pestering them well before sun up. Suddenly Ryuk's head popped through the wall and announced that he was being cop-napped.

They all ran to the front of the motel and looked out on the parking lot, were they saw Matsuda being loaded into the back of a very large red convertible along with lots of beer and what naïve little Misa thought was powdered sugar.

"We have to rescue him!" the plot fairies yelled, "if we don't get Matsuda back, this story is screwed!"

"How screwed?" Matt asked.

"Kira taking over the world screwed!"

"Well uhh… we gotta… chase them?" Light stuttered.

"You're not enthusiastic enough! 7!" L said, grinning evilly at Light.

"You two can fight this out in a super dramatic way later! Right now we gotta save Matsuda from the evil clutches of a Samoan and a weird guy in orange sunglasses!" Stiney yelled as Crowtar made large hands appear and bitch-slap the two into submission.

"Orange sunglasses, aye? Maybe I can reason with him…" Matt said and stroked his goggles lovingly.

"There's no time! Everyone in the van! It's time for another car chase!" Poque screeched as the other fairies herded everyone downstairs.

In a few moments, everyone was once again packed into the van and rocketing down the highway after the convertible. Over Misa's whining and Mello's bitching, they somehow managed to hear one of Matsuda's abductors yell, "I don't care who they are, we can't stop! This is bat country!"

"It seems Matsuda is trying to get them to let him go… Near mumbled to L.

"Yes… I wonder what he means by bat country…"

"Who cares? We have to get him back! You heard what those annoying pixies said!"

"We're fairies! Not pixies! Pixies are lower life forms than demon rubber duckies!" Screeched the affronted _fairies_.

"Hey guys, They're slowing down, prepare to grab Matsuda!"

At Light's command, Matt and Mello opened the passenger side door and leaned across to the car, trying to grab Matsuda. Just when they had him by the arm, the convertible stalled, wrenching him from their grasp.

Light did a very amazing Matt-style U turn and pulled up smoothly in front of the convertible. Matsuda waved like the idiot he was.

L yanked Light out of the van and shuffled over the the convertible with plot fairies in tow.

"Who are you and why did you steal our Matsuda?" L asked the man in the sunglasses.

"I'm Duke, a reporter. And this man is my attorney. His name is Dr. Gonzo. Please don't mind his Samoanness. You're not prejudiced are you?"

"... Answer the other question... "

"He was wondering around alone, outside, unarmed, in BAT COUNTRY!! We saved his life."

"... Okay then... "

"It seems the Big Red Shark died. May we join you in your Big Blue Whale until we reach Los Vegas? We need to check into the Mint hotel before we miss the deadline for free check-in."

"That's where we're staying!" Crowtar squealed, "Sure you can come with us!"

"Who died and made you queen?" L asked, giving the hyper-active fairy a death glare even Mello would be proud of.

"You, actually."

This statement made tears well up in the poor detectives eyes and he forced light to carry him back to the van. Knowing Crowtar, it was probably all part of her master plan to incite yaoi. (He was still wearing the dress, by the way.)

Once the "powdered sugar" and other stuff Misa was too stupid to be let within 5 miles of from the Big Red Shark were loaded into the van along with out hero's other assorted addictions, they started off once again for Vegas.

A few hours of driving later, Mello ran out of chocolate. He tried to behave, really he did, it's just he was so _bored_.

"Hey, Matt, what does this button do?" Mello asked his boyfriend and pointed to a button on his Gameboy.

"Don't press it," Matt warned. Too bad he just never learns about telling Mello not to do something, for after a minute or two of watching Matt kill zombies, he just had to press it. The Gameboy promptly turned off and destroyed two hours and six boss fights of progress.

Matt gave the poor blond one of those 'I give you ten seconds to get out of my range of fire' looks.

"Uhhh... I love you matty-bear, please don't murder me or do mean things to me with cheese graders, sporks, and chop sticks..."

"Don't worry, I won't kill you," Matt said as he turned his game back on. "No sex for a month though."

Mello whimpered and crawled away to cry into Near's shirt like a kicked puppy. That is, until he figured out just who's shirt she had and promptly punched him in the neck.

"I think you guys need to calm down and stop trying to murder each other every 40 seconds!" Duke said while Mello and Near continued to strangle each other.

"Why 40 seconds?! What the hell makes you think I can kill anyone I want in this van in 40 seconds?!" squeaked a paranoid Light.

"Is THAT a confession, Light-Kun? L asked with an evil glint in his eyes.

"No you useless excuse for a detective! That isn't, never was, or ever will be a confession!" Light screamed. L continued to give him that evil - though sexy - grin, which forced Light to pounce him - for more reasons than one.

"You're right, these guys need to loosen up." said Gonzo, "I think we should make them some brownies! wink, wink"

"Yea! We should! wink, wink"

"Why are you guys saying wink?" Matsuda asked, peering over the seat at them.

"Dear god, no wonder they kidnapped Matsuda! They're just as stupid as him!" L laughed from his position under Light, who was sitting on his chest and had managed to tie his arms down with the chain and still have it clamped on his wrist. "Are you planning to get off anytime soon? I need candy."

"No, I have to think of something to do to you first."

"... feed me?"

"... fine..."

A huge slice of strawberry short cake appeared in Light's hands, which he promptly shoved in L's face.

Matt, knowing L would want to himself but was unable, scraped some of the cake off the detective and flung it at light. NOW it was on. or at least it _would_ have been  
on, had l not licked Light's hand when the teen reached down to get cake off L's face to fling at Matt. Light flew across the van cowered there in a truly pathetic attempt to prevent himself from having to molest L right then and there.

The van continued along the highway in this manner for an hour or two, Ryuk driving for some undenounced reason. Then, they saw a candy store coming up on the other side of the road.

"Ryuk, you will pull over or I will be forced to dye your hair bright pink, shave it all off, then glue it to your face and claim you grew a mustache," threatened L.

Ryuk, being far smarter than you'd think he was, recognized this as not being an empty threat and swerved the van across the street to the candy store. L threw and apple at him and patted him on the head while telling him he was a "good Shinigami."

Mello and L ran from the van like over excited children while Matt and Light followed behind them like bored, very annoyed parents.

Between the two of them, they ended up buying pretty much the entire store. Light was beginning to believe that the van's trunk lead to an alternate dimension, what with all the stuff they had back there.

The rest of the way to the hotel, Mello and L were quite content trading things from their bags with each other like kids at Halloween after trick - or - treating.

Once they checked in at the Mint - and L changed out of the dress - our heroes left a cackling Gonzo and Duke in the kitchenette in their room with brownie mix and "powdered sugar" in favor of exploring the city.

* * *

Well, there you go, chapter 3! Again, I'm super sorry it took so long, I had writer's block from hell.

Next time, it's L, Light, and everyone else with special brownies!


	4. Fear and Brownies in Las Vegas part 2

OMG! I am sooooooo sorry for such a long update! I couldn't figure out how to do a few parts of this chapter and had to assign them to my co-writers, and they're lazy! I'm very very very sorry! I swear I'll get 5 up faster, really!

**Disclaimer: Me owns NOTHING I give the idea for the "Bad Day Note" to the badassnotebooks, look them up on youtube, they're great!**

**Warning: MASSIVE sillyness, druggedness, and a kiss scene! yay!**

* * *

Death Note, Drugs, and Car Chases Oh My!

Chapter 4: Fear and brownies in Las Vegas Part 2

It was about three in the morning, and our heroes were only just returning to their hotel suite. When they walked in the door, there sat a huge tray of brownies, which L and Mello immediately pounced. As usual with such things, L tried to get Light to eat some. As usual, he had no luck.

The only problem was L wasn't taking no for an answer this time. These brownies were really good, even the apple addicted Shinigami and the carb counting model were devouring them, and damn it, Light would too!

"Light-Kun, please?" L whimpered, putting on his best puppy-dog face.

"No, L! I'm not eating the damn brownie! Who knows what those two lunatics did to them!"

"Eat it!" L insisted, shoving it closer to Light's face.

"No!"

"Eat it or I'll sit on you!"

"… fine…" and with that, Light ate the special brownie, and liked it. So he ate lots and lots more.

pretty soon, they were all gloriously stoned, and some strange things began to happen…

Everyone was… happy, for lack of a better word. For once even the spazzy Misa was quiet and calm.

"L, I think we've been…"

"Drugged, Lighty Whitey? Yes…" L interrupted and burst into hysterical laughter, along with everyone else. Several cackles of "Drugged, lol" filled the room, as everyone decided together without really speaking to pillage the unsuspecting city of Las Vegas.

"I…I can't get off! I'm going to die here! With… with clowns Light-chan!! With …clowns? Why… negh…" L wobbled around the spinning carousel bar, while a hysterical Light was doubled over on the ground next to it, not even clear headed enough to help his clowny-death-fearing friend.

Fortunately for everyone involved, a more drug experienced and much more clear headed Mello strolled up to assist his spinning friend.

"Oh my freaking god, L…" Mello chuckled, " just… just keep walking forward, and even though the ground out here isn't moving… clowns, heh… just, just step on it, ok? Heh, step on it… vroom vroom!" Mello giggled hysterically.

"But… but I'll fall! And the carpet… the carpet will scratch my face… like mom's cat when I was two… the carpet HAS the cat on it… no I think I'll die with the clowns… and the lady whose paid to do that stuff to the polar bear…" L whimpered from where he was sprawled between two bar stools like a spider frightened of water. Meanwhile Near, Matt, Misa, Rem, Ryuk and Mello burned themselves repeatedly by touching the white hot twinkling lights that were "so freaking pretty" while Light continued to cackle on the floor at his panda-like buddy's expense.

Light held L up as they stumbled up the stairs, while everyone else, plagued with the munchies, were devouring the contents of the cafeteria.

Once the giggly pair stumbled into their apartment, Light somehow maneuvered his way up the stair things into their bedroom, but L was not so lucky. the detective tripped over the top step, and flew across the room failing his arms about like duck wings.

As L flailed, Light was sprawled on the bed cackling so hard he didn't even notice L climb into the bed, crying, and flop down on top of him.

"Light-chan… I'm so sorry!" L screamed.

"It's ok Panda-chan!! I LOOOOOVVVEEE you!" Light sat up and nuzzled into L's shirt.

L looked up, tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry… I know you hate ducks… and I… I flailed like a duck I'm so sorry!!" L clutched Light's shirt, and sobbed into the crook of his neck.

"Hey… hey don't cry, it's ok. you wanna know a secret?" Light whispered.

"Ye…Yeah." L sniffled.

"Well, You're the ONLY duck I like," Light whispered, looking around to see if anyone was listening.

"Like that blonde duck… the one that wears the mini skirts… I don't like that duck… she's mean… she won't let me feed her bread crumbs!"

L looked up, astonished that any duck would not let Light feed them bread crumbs.

Light laughed at L's tear stained face, and took the opportunity to close the space between them.

L gasped at Light's tongue trailing the sensitive flesh of his lower lip, begging for entrance. He quickly complied, and entangling his own tongue with the invader.

_He tastes sweet… like candy…_ Light thought drunkenly.

L moaned despite himself, and Light grinned triumphantly into the kiss and pulled away for air, to be greeted by an angry panda when he opened his eyes.

"What Panda-Chan? didn't you like it?" Light whimpered.

"You stopped." L hissed in such a tone, you'd think that Light had just committed all seven of the cardinal sins whilst standing on his head, and kicking the detective in the face repeatedly. I'm sure that seems a funny picture, but sinful L kicking head stands are no laughing matter. L had taken peoples' cake for less. "I'm sorry!" Light squeaked in terror, and pounced the unsuspecting panda.

Much kissing, groping, and biting later, L had managed to turn the tables and get atop the teen through use of a mixture of martial arts and mind games. Just as L began to go for Light's pants, the later began attempting to wriggle away in the direction of the kitchenette.

"Where do you think you're going?" L purred.

"Want… more… brownies!" Light barely managed to say between sloppy kisses.

"We ate them all, Light-Chan." L's words brought Light to the brink of tears, and the detective immediately leapt to his feet and began riffling through Duke and Gonzo's stuff, trying to find more brownie mix. After a good ten minutes, L finally opened the right bag, and there lay the brownie mix, along with a bottle marked "'Vegetable' Oil."Having hopped like a bunny to the scene, Light peered over L's shoulder and asked in an aggravated tone why the word Vegetable was in those quotey thingys like that. L simply shrugged and climbed on Light's back, who then walked on all fours over to the stove with L crouched on top of him like some strange king. Of course, sitting in such a position made for rather bad balance when riding a top a Light, thus he fell off.

Instead of flailing about like a duck and thus having a chance of causing Light to hate him, L let himself fall. Which resulted in him being in the exactly same position he was in moments ago, just on his side. It was rather cute.After a brief pause in their quest for Light to laugh uncontrollably at has foolishness, they began the epic journey around the kitchen no larger than a computer desk for: A MIXING BOWL!!

"Where'd that lightning and dramatic background music come from?" Light asked.

"I don't know… if I didn't know better I'd say those blasted fairies were at it again."

"I don't like them."

"Me neither, they made me wear a dress."

"You totally pulled it off!"

"You're just saying that!"

"No, really! That shade of pink went well with your complexion!"

"Aww, that you Li--" L was unable to finish his sentence, for duct tape had appeared over both their mouths.

"Alright, I'm sorry you guys but that conversation was getting excessively gay." said Crowtar from her perch on one of L's hair spikes.

"Yea, we were getting gaydiation complaints from my brother. Do you realize how bad it must have been if one whose entire life is one large derogatory remark was complaining about too much gay?" Poque said from L's left shoulder.

"Really… really bad!" grunted Stiney as she attempted to climb out of the slippery sink.

"Why are you in the sink?" L asked.

"More important question! Why will none of you guys land on me?" Light pouted.

"Cuz … we just can!" Crowtar stammered as Poque helped Stiney remove herself from the drain.

"Anyway, we have come to warn you! One more conversation that flaming and I'll turn you both into girls for a week!" Poque threatened.

"Ugly girls!" Stiney added.

"With freakin' huge tits so when I magic you into random different outfits they rip open and people laugh at you!" Crowtar finished. This last sentiment horrified the pair, and they pledged never to speak of dresses and things complementing complexions ever again.

With that the terrible trio poofed away and left our heroes to their own disturbing mental images.

"We never speak of that again?"

"Agreed."

"Brownie time?"

"Agreed."

A few minutes and much brownie induced chaos later, it came time to add the "Vegetable" Oil to the mixing bowl.

"Alright, the directions say to but in half a cup of that stuff." Light said, gesturing towards the bottle and tossing a very large glass at L.

"I don't think this is what it means, Light-Chan." said L as he eyed the glass.

"Just do it! this place doesn't have a measuring cup!"

"But…"

"Fine, then I'll do it!" Light announced as he snatched the bottle from L's hands and poured it directly into the bowl. "There, that should do it!"

"Light-Chan! that was almost half of the entire bottle, let alone a cup!"

"… well if a little makes them good, then a lot should make them great, right?" In the state he was currently in, L could not dispute such logic, so he simply shrugged and began mixing their concoction together. A few minutes later, as the brownies were baking, the two were sprawled out on the floor, covered in eggs and brownie mix, licking the bowl. That's when Duke, Gonzo, and all the rest walked in.Gonzo's immediate reaction was that they had seen the contents of their bags, and must therefore die.

Luckily, duke decided to take a more diplomatic approach. "You used almost the entire bottle you great wart hog faced buffoons!" he shrieked and grabbed the fronts of their shirts, dragging them up off the floor. "You're not ready for brownies that strong! We have to run before the lizards come for you!"

"Dude, chilax!" Light said, already higher than a kite just from licking the bowl. "Them lizards ain't gonna come for us! I have this!" he continued and held up on of the death notes with the word "Death" covered up with a piece of paper that said "Bad Day."

"Light-KUUUUUUUN! Why did you show that to Ryuzaki?!" Misa whined while the two Shinigami cracked up.

That's when the oven announced that the brownies of impending doom were ready, and the mass-murder and the panda began scrambling to their feet. Well, less to their feet, and more flopping about hopelessly in a general direction of the oven. Once they got there, they realized they needed oven mitts.

"Why didn't you bring em?" Light asked.

"Because when you were slapping me with them I threw them across the room."

"Oh yea! Why'd you do that? It was depressing. I had nothing to hit you with then."

"They had flamingoes on them. I had a traumatizing episode involving flamingoes once when visiting the zoo."

"Awww, poor Panda-Chan!" Light squealed, then hugged said panda and flopped back across the room to retrieve the mitts. As he was reaching into the oven, Mello stepped in so as not to burn the place down, as Light doubtlessly could in such a state.

"But I wanna do it!" Light whined.

"No you great Kiraly idiot! They're mine now!" barked the blond. Before Light could dive for the newly renamed Bad Day Note, Mello already had the brownies out of the oven and had begun the cut them.

"Now listen here! Those brownies are really freakin' hot! I don't want you or L burning your stupid, drugged up selves! Capiche?"

"Yes Mello." droned the two like a couple of grade schoolers being reprimanded by their teacher.

"Good. Matt! get yer goggled ass over here!"

"It's my head that's goggled! not my ass! Silly Mells." said the gamer as he trotted over, having been playing with a ball and cup this whole time.

While Mello and Matt talked, Matsuda was busy glaring at Rem's tentacles for some reason, and Near was trying to steal the cup and ball from Matt, No one noticed as L and Light snuck off to get the Bad Day Note.

"Alright L, what do you think is sufficient punishment for not letting me get the brownies?" Light asked as he flipped to a blank page.

"Hmmmm… I know! all of his chocolate is put… put in his shampoo! And… his hair turns brown!

"That's perfect!" and just as Light was beginning to write "Mello" in the notebook -- which isn't his real name so it wouldn't have done anything anyway -- Matt snatched it away and handed him the cup and ball saying, "No! Bad Kira! Play with this instead!"

Light looked incredulously at the evil little toy as Matt said, "Crisis averted!" and plopped back down beside Mello.

Light cockily flipped the ball up… and missed. He repeated this process about six times, emitting curses loudly, before Ryuk ate the little ball, mistaking it for an apple.

Before Light could do much damage to the poor shinigami, Duke and Gonzo declared the second batch ready, and everyone swarmed them.

Little did they know it then, but spinning bars and lizards were only the prologue in this epic saga of much Vegasness.

* * *

There will be one more chapter of Vegas antics, and then I havn't decided where they'll be going, so if you have any suggestions for the nest stop, or any stop in the future, PLEASE tell me. Once again, I'm super sorry for the update time, I'm a horrible person, hit me in the face if you want, I deserve it.

P.S: how do you like the story's new name?


	5. Fear and Brownies in Las Vegas part 3

Death Note, Drugs, and Car Chases, oh my!

**Disclaimer: **There was once a little girl who was shown one episode of Death Note, then stood up in her chair and started ranting about how one day should would own Death Note and L and Light would bend to her will. She was then told by her grandma to get off the furniture and go clean her room. She also did not own GameStop of Pirates of the Caribbean, but as if anyone thinks she owns them. If she did, she'd be rich enough to turn Battle Toads into a real game.

**Warning: **Oh whatever, you know already.

Chapter 5, Fear and Brownies in Las Vegas part 3

* * *

"Wheeeee!!! You were right, Light-Chan! This _is_ fun!" L squealed.

"I Knew you'd like it! You can be such a chicken sometimes, Panda-Chan!" Light teased as he zoomed past the detective.

The two, along with Mello, Matt, Duke, and Matsuda had proceeded to leave the others in a giggly mound of giggles in their suite, broke into the hotel office, and stole several wheely chairs that they were now zipping through the streets of Las Vegas on. At this point, they were more lost than a tourist in the Tokyo subway system, but quite frankly they just didn't care. That is, until Matt spotted…

"Sweet zombie Jesus! You guys! A Gamestop! we HAVE the Battle Toads them!! squealed the gamer as he skidded his chair to stop and spun around several times.

"Haha! Ok, but we have to be all awesome about it! L will not Battle Toads a Gamestop unless it is the best Battle Toads ever Battle Toaded!!!" declared the detective as he scooted circles around Light and made strange, incoherent hand gestures.

"Yea! I know what we should do!" yelled Matsuda. "We have to march in there, single file, doing the Ministry of Silly Walks walk, stop in the dead center of the store, and scream battle toads at the very top of our lungs!"

"While doing the Pee Wee Herman dance!" added Light.

"We'll need to buy some plat form shoes!" declared Mello.

"There's a thrift store across the street!" pointed out Duke.

And with that, the group scooted across the busy highway to the thrift store, bought platform shoes, sequined jackets with plenty of tassels, and a few fake afros.

Once they were appropriately dressed for this grand occasion, they scooted back across, parked their chairs, and commenced silly walk.

As soon as Mello - The first in line - crossed the thresh hold, the man behind the desk had given them a look that clearly said, "_If there is a God, smite them now!"_ By the time all six of them had entered the shop, the poor man looked ready to murder them. Light set the CD player he had also bought, along with appropriate CD, down on the floor, hit play, and they all commenced Dancing, Pee Wee style, and screamed Battle Toads repeatedly. The three plot fairies joined them soon enough and began dancing about in the air.

That's when the cops came in, and immediately pounced L, the sugar addict being closest to the door. He dodged, causing them to land in a heap, and proceeded to yell, "You can't catch me, I'm bathed in cocoa butter!" While waving his arms at his sides like an octopus.

They all flitted out the door, trampling the pile of cops, and scooted away to the safety of… far away at a speed that should not be humanly possible.

After our trippin' heroes -and psychopath - scooted down the street for several more minutes of strange looks and honking car horns, Light stopped dead in his tracks and said, "Oh my god, you guys! An As Seen on TV store! didn't L want something we saw on TV last week?"

"Yes Light-Chan! It was a semi-automatic marshmallow launcher!" said the excited sugar fiend.

"We're goin' in there and buyin' some so we can have a marshmallow war!" declared Mello. At that the group sped into the store, almost knocking over a small child and her aggravated mother in the process.

After they'd prowled around in the store for sometime, continually getting distracted in their quest for 'mallow guns by other strange wonders, Matsuda finally found their explosive treasure.

The group bought enough even for those who had stayed at the hotel, along with 50 bags o 'mallowy doom, and scooted back to the hotel with their spoils. The "exploration group returned to their suite to see quite a strange sight. Or at least what would have been a strange sight had they not been as stoned out of their minds as they were.

The plot fairy who called herself Crowtar was beating near over the head with an inflatable mallet that made squeaky noises when it hit something, Gonzo and Rem were break dancing to _White and Nerdy_, and Ryuk was being teased by the two other fairies by making huge apples appear then disappear just before he grabbed them. Then Misa appeared from nowhere and screamed, "SOCK 'EM BOPPERS!!!" and proceeded to fling herself at Matsuda and beat him silly.

Fortunately Light was prepared, and before Misa could realize she'd pounced the wrong man, he pounded her head with a volley of automatic sugary fire. Rem then charged the teen like a tentacly wild boar and sat on him.

White Light was rendered defenseless by the weight of the surprisingly heavy Shinigami, everyone grabbed a 'mallow gun and pelted him with volley after volley of the sugary little things. It soon turned to an all-out war that raged across the entire hotel, eventually becoming organized and forming teams.

But it took a while.

A long while.

L, light, Matt, Mello, Duke, and Ryuk were on one team with Near, Gonzo, Rem, Matsuda, and Misa on the other. Near's team had control of the south end of the hall, which included the ice machine and supply closet/employee elevator. L's team had the other end of the hall, with their suite and the vending machines.

"Hey L, they've been huddled around that ice bucket for a while. I think they're plotting something," whispered Light to the insomniac.

"I know, I sent Ryuk over on reconnaissance. He should be back by now though…" he replied.

'The fort's done!" announced Matt as he and his boyfriend climbed out a twisted pile of bed sheets and chairs.

Duke and Light had demanded a fort, and l had the drama-queen and the gamer build it with stuff from their suite. The finished product was quite impressive, considering it'd taken all of tem minutes to build.

"I don't know… I think it's missing something…" said Duke.

"Leave it to me!" said Light as he trotted off to their suite. When he returned he was carrying a piece of paper and some tape. The paper said, in bold red letters, "No girls, Samoans, sheeply bastards, or…Matsudas allowed!" Light taped it up on the side of the fort facing the enemy, and Duke pronounced it ready for battle.

"Hey guys! They have a fort! All we have it cold 'mallows!" whined Matsuda.

"Don't worry! We'll still win! Freezing them makes them hurt more, they'll surrender in no time!" Misa assured him.

"That's paint ball," growled the sheep.

"Same difference!"

"That saying makes no sense!"

"…at least I'm not sheeply!"

"… HOW DARE MELLO TEACH OTHER PEOPLE TO CALL ME SHEEPLY?! HE SHALL PAY FOR THIS … FOOLYISHNESS!!! YESSSSS…." Near screeched and tried to run at the other team's base. Gonzo and Matsuda managed to restrain him just in the nick of time.

Just then, Rem came out of the wall, dragging Ryuk behind her.

"Look what I found in the wall! What should we do with him?"

"Hang him!"

"Yea!"

"Draw and quarter him!"

"Yea!!"

"Take his apples!"

"YEA!!!"

And so Ryuk's pockets were searched, 32 apples were found, turned to mush, and dumped down the laundry chute, and a Shinigami was sad.

"Dude, they have Ryuk! They took his apples… now they're interrogating him with threats of pink hair dye…" reported Matt from atop his look out tower (bar stool) where he was watching the enemy with his spyglass (rolled up newspaper.)

"Drat, That's not good. Ryuk's deathly afraid of pink stuff." Light muttered.

"He'll reveal our battle plans in no time." predicted L.

"We gotta get him outta there."

"Right! How's this for a plan?" Matt sputtered after leaping (falling flat on his face) from the "tower." "I run in, start punching people in the face, see where it takes us."

Matt's plan met disapproval with L, who signaled for Light to shoot the gamer in the face. Light, finding his launcher empty, turned around to reload. when he'd turned back around Matt, Mello, and Duke were half way down the hall, screaming, "Leroy Jenkins!" like banshees and waving their guns in the air. Light and L just glanced at each other, shrugged, and charged after them.

The group was locked in fierce battle till dawn, but was forced to call it a truce when a particularly scary old lady came out of her room and began screaming at them in Russian.

Even after such a long, manic night the brownies L and Light had made still hadn't worn off. Despite the fact they were all still more or less shit faced, Duke and Gonzo shoved booze and acid down their throats.

"You guys are with us now! You might as well act like it!" Duke said as he force fed Near an entire bottle of gin.

Meanwhile, in one of the four bedrooms attached to their suite, L and Light were sprawled on a bed amongst a mound of empty strawberry daiquiri bottles, marshmallows, sharpies, and peanut shells.

They had been ordered to shell peanuts to collect the red bits because Mello, Matt, Ryuk, and Misa had smoked their entire stock of weed. How peanut skins would solve that problem neither of them knew, but they did anyway. Or at least they attempted it. In the end Light just ate them while L chugged massive amounts of strawberry daiquiri. The plot fairy Crowtar had appeared with a huge case of sharpies of every color imaginable, and insisted upon coloring Light's hair. He tried to ward her off with his marshmallow gun, but kept missing. Eventually L told him to just let her, as he would look pretty hot with a few high lights.

Now the fairy was gone, leaving Light's brown hair a rainbowical mess.

"L, why in the hell did you let that annoying pixy do this to me? It won't come out for weeks!" whined the teen.

"Relax Light-Chaaaaaan, It's cuuuuuute," drawled the drunken L.

"Why do I get the feeling that when you're sober you'll be bashing my brains in, though?"

"Because… Light -Chan is silly! Besides, Light-Chan isn't exactly sober either!" L giggled and pointed towards the rather large, rather empty bottle of rum.

"Yea, but that was only one! you had like, 5 bottles that size!"

"Pfft, yer only trying to make yourself sound better. But you can't hide the fact that Light-Chan is a pirate from L!"

"… Why are you speaking in 3rd person? And since when am I a pirate?" asked an annoyed Light. He hadn't quite had enough rum to understand L's current state of silly.

"Cause your rum is gone!" squealed L before he started laughing manically and hiccupping at the same time. it was likely the strangest sound Light had ever heard.

"Wha… L, I… I think…. you're shit-faced!"

Then Stiney appeared, bashed Light over the head with her wand, screamed, "He's talking about Pirates of the Caribbean you raging idiot!" in a bad British accent, and disappeared.

Light rubbed his head in pain and cursed those damn fairies, as well as himself for not getting it sooner. He glances down at L, still giggling madly, and decided that while the detective was in such a… pliable mood he might as well enjoy it. As he reached for a second bottle of rum, a pirate hat with 'property of Captain Novascoia' embroidered on the inside, along with another damn sticky note. This one read: _Crowtar is forcing me to lend you my most prized captain's hat so you can role-play and - in the words of the man sex addicted maniac - make glorious yaoi together. You snag so much as one thread on my hat and you can expect to wake up in the morning with me sitting at the foot of your bed with a toothbrush, preparing to viciously murder you with it. ~Poque_.

Light would have been rather scared of the plot fairy's wrath, but he had already downed half of the new bottle of rum while reading the incredibly long note, so he merely donned the hat and slurred, "Drink up me hearties, yo ho," before pouncing.

In moments L had shoved him off a said, "What? You did not just… you did! You quoted a pre-existing pirate! Light-Chan is not good at role-playing!"

"Isn't the point of role-playing pretending to be someone else? And besides, it's not like you not how to role-play anyway, right? …right?"

"… Light-Chan makes a point…"

"Exactly! Now shut up and kiss me."

And so there was much groping, leading up to much steaming hot man sex, during which - even though he put up quite the fight - Light took bottom.

Many hours later, when Light was only half conscious, he could have sworn he heard the panda whisper, "Who's the pirate captain now?" Then he felt the hat that had somehow managed to stay on his head through the entire ordeal slip off his head. He flickered his eyes open one last time and saw L leaning over him with the hat on, caressing his cheek ever so gently as if he might break at the slightest touch despite what L had been doing to him moments before, and slipped off to sleep.

* * *

**AN:** ok, so, I am a horrible, lazy, selfish bitch. There is no excuse for this slow an update, i'm sorry, you have my full permission to follow Poque's example and kill my with a toothbrush. Speaking of which, Captain Novascotia is one of her alter-egos if you will. On top of being so horribly lazy, I couldn't quite get this cpater to flow right and ended up rewriting the whole thing about 8 times. I'm still not happy with it and it still wouldn't be posted till I was happy with it but I don't want to make my readers - if any of you really care all that much - wait any longer.

Please review this chapter and tell me how you like it. I personally think it's very choppy and rushed sounding, but maybe it's just me. I have such low self-esteeme, but I still try, aren't you proud of me?


	6. Of Kegs and Body Swaps

OMG! I'M SO SORRY I WAS GONE FOR SO LONG! Through the joint effort of groundings, anime cons, homework, and writer's block, I've neglected this story horribly. I hope I havn't done any phsycological damage. To make sure DNDCC is seeing a counselor next Thursday. I've made this chapter extra long to try and made up for my long hiatus of sorts. This chapter was inspired by an episode of That 70's Show and the book Tale of the Body Thief. Enjoy!

Death Note, Drugs, and Car Crashes, Oh My!

Chapter 6: Of Kegs an Body Switching

"Light? Light! Wake up! LIGHT!! WAKE UP!! You're having a bad dream! WAKE UP DAMNIT!!!" L screeched at the teen and shook him roughly. Finally Mello, hearing L's struggle, came in with a large glass of cold water, which was promptly dumped on Light. His mission complete, Mello spun around and trotted back into the main room.

"L! Oh my god! You're alive!" he sputtered, "I… I had the most horrible dream… I thought I killed you!"

"…Kira?" asked L with a cute little head tilt.

"No! Scar! In my dream… you were Mufasa… from The Lion King…"

"…Light-Chan, just get dressed." Sighed the detective.

"Where're Duke and Gonzo? I don't hear their crazed shouting," Yawned Light.

"They left a few hours ago, yelling something about lizards and bat country."

Light merely grunted in response and stepped into his pants. That's when he noticed the the toothbrush.

"Uhh… L… Where's the pirate hat?"

"Plot fairies came and got it in the middle of the night. The creepy on claimed there was a snag though…"

"…you stayed up all night watching me sleep again, didn't you?"

"Weeeeeell, I had to protect you from crazed toothbrush wielding maniacs, no?"

"Geez, Panda-Chan. You're almost as bad as having a glittery vampire from a book fan-girled over by thousands of hormonal teenage girls as a boyfriend."

"I know, right?"

Several hours and an argument over whether or not they should turn north to avoid ending up in Mexico later, Light had become rather bored, and as we all know that can prove fatal.

"Panda-Chan! Entertain me! A murderous rampage would be more fun than this!"

"Twelve percent."

"Come on now, you've got to be in the thousands now with that damned percentage. Give it a rest and play with me!"

"Just do it L, his whining is breaking my concentration on Mario." Sighed Matt.

"Fine, fine. Rem, you drive."

Without even bothering to pull over, L began climbing into the back of the van. Rem popped up from the floorboard where she had been crouched pressing pedals so the detective could stay in his customary sitting position.

After rolling his eyes at L, Light announced, " Cliff, Shag, Marry! Duke, Near, Misa!"

"Ok, cliff Duke, he scares me… shag Near, marry Misa, kill her, and steal all her money."

This response earned L a crying Misa and a Light who insisted upon tying Near to the roof of the van. Mello was in favor of this, but the two were unfortunately distracted by L asking Matt, "Playstation, Wii, and X-Box?"

"Definitely cliff the X-Box, shag the Wii, and marry the Playstation." Said the gamer, not even pausing to think, as if he'd spent time carefully thinking about such things before…

"Yea Matt, that's not creepy at all." Laughed Mello.

"New game?" asked Matsuda.

"Indubitably! I declare I spy!" yelled Light.

"Misa-Misa wants to start! Ok, uhh… I spy something… handsome!"

"Is it me?" asked Light.

"Yes! Light-Kun's so smart!"

"It's kind of obvious, Misa." L growled.

"…anyways… I spy something –" started Ryuk, but Near interrupted with, "Apple."

"I spy something sheeply!" grinned Mello.

"Near!" they all answered.

"I spy something that manages to stick a gun down the front of tight pants." Snarled the sheep.

"Mello!"

"Yea, well I spy something that never leaves the SPK and probably eats its toys!"

"Near!"

"I spy something below me."

That time, no one said anything. They just glared stonily at the sheep.

"I spy something with a huge ass crush on L!" said Crowtar, who hadn't been noticed 'til now.

"Light?" asked Ryuk.

"Nooooo, more obvious!" she giggled.

"OOO! OOO! Is it me?!" asked Near.

"We have a winner!" yelled the fairy, cackling madly.

And so Near was beaten to a sheeply pulp by a certain possessive ex-mass murderer who was extremely tempted to take up his old profession at the moment, only being convinced otherwise by L, who was sitting on him to hold him down so he couldn't write. Because Light didn't care that Near wasn't that sheeply bastard's real name, oh no. L was his, damnit!

"Misa-Misa thinks we shouldn't play games anymore."

"C'mon! There has to be at least one game that's safe for us to play, right?" begged a now very bored gamer whose batteries had just run out.

"Fine. How about… word association?" asked Rem.

"sounds relatively safe. Then again, so did I spy…" said Near, who was currently nursing his wounds.

"It's worth a shot." Sighed L, a very obvious look of 'why the hell do I live with these people?' on his panda-like face.

"Misa-Misa wants to start again! Pineapple!"

"Pina Coladas!" yelled Light.

"Tastilicious!" said L.

"You like Pina Coladas?" asked a surprised Light.

"NO QUESTIONS ANSWERS!!! IT'S A RULE!!!" screeched Stiney, having appeared on Light's shoulder and proceeded to slap him.

"… made up words…" said Near, unaffected by the utter random of his life.

"Ridoculous!" said Matt.

"Matsuda!" said Mello.

"Big ass crush on Misa!" laughed Ryuk.

"Rem!" said Light.

"I do not—"

"Toilet paper arms!" interrupted L.

"Tentacle hair!" offered Matsuda.

"Near!" said Crowtar.

"I do not—!"

"SHEEP!!!" screeched Mello.

"Goat" said Matt.

"OH MY GOD! Huffie," said Crowtar, who was then joined by Stiney and the two had a laughing fit on Matt's head.

"What's with you guys and people's heads?"

"And where's the other one? I know there were three of you before… is she waiting to ambush me with that dress again?" asked L.

"I thought it was kinda cute…" mumbled Light. At this, both present fairies squealed in a high-pitched, fan-girly manner anf began talking about gay porn at the speed of light.

"Thaaaaat's not creepy…" said L, shrinking away before they could tackle him and put the dress back on. "But seriously, where's the other one?"

"Oh, we fired Poque. Her replacement is currently going through the extremely painful process of shrinking to Tinker Bell size." Said Crowtar casually as she dug about in L's hair.

"… I'm bored," whined Matt, who was rewared with a packet of batteries being magically flung at his goggled face.

"That leaves nothing for the rest of us to do…"

"Wanna try to play a game again?"

"I lost!" shrieked both fairies angrily.

"Wow, I think their minds finally went away completely," said Mello, poking Stiney with his chocolate. The resulted in the little fairy being latched onto it tightly, chomping away, and no matter how much Mello waved it about he couldn't detach the little pirana.

"It's The Game. Once you know about the game you're playing forever. Whenever you think about it you have to yell 'I lost' no matter where you are. The goal of the game is to forget it exists for the longest period of time," explained Stiney, having finally been flung off Mello's baby.

"I see… WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HAIR?!" L shouted.

"Looking for kittens…" Crowtar whispered in his ear.

"Oh M Jesus! Wouldn't it be so cute if L lost all his hair and there was just this kitten sitting on his head?" squealed Stiney.

"That would be adorable!" shrieked Misa.

"Ladies, can we please just listen to music? I think only dogs can hear you now anyway." Whimpered Matsuda.

"I got this!" announced Crowtar, who then summoned an extremely messy desk with a clunky old desktop to float in the air. After five whole minutes, the dinosaur was finally booted up and the fairy was scrolling through mountains of illegally downloaded music.

Soon music that seemed uncharacteristically slow for the hyper little fairy was pumping through the very tiny, yet very loud speakers attached to her computer. And then L started to sing along…

"_I must be dreaming or… we're onto something. I must be dreaming or… I don't fall inlove so lawlessly_."

And then grumbles of, "Meh, I'm not in the mood for that stuff," was heard from the two fairies huddled around the tiny monitor, and the song was changed, and L was sad.

"I love this song!" Squealed Ryuk, who continued to dance about the van with the fairies to some inane Irish rock. Half way through the song, Near found the next button on the keyboard and jabbed it with one of Misa's hair pins after pronouncing Flogging Molly 'annoying.'

"Dude, yes! This is like, my theme song!" yelled Matt who began bopping along to Techonologic.

"Eh, that's annoying too," grumbled Near before pressing the next button again.

"Eww, Light, your stupid theme song will die now!" said Misa, skipping over Sexy Back before the words even had time to start, thus depressing Light. And then a song very familiar to all started…

"_Want some?! Feel like pie! Home-security, want some?! Feels like pie!_"

"Hold on, hold on! Those aren't the words, L!" Said Ryuk.

"Yes they are. This part's obviously about my love of sweets." Protested the detective.

"THIS is how you sing it! Stiney, restart the song!" ordered light.

"_What's up, fuzzy bear?! Oh, saint gin and tonic, what's up, fuzzy bear?!_"

"How is that better than my way?"

"Just is love, just is," said the teen, deliberately mocking his lover's British accent, which of course enticed more squeals from the fairies, followed by a whispered conversation and many clicks.

"Did I just hear the words L, Light, mini-skirt, and strawberry flavored lube used in the same sentence?" asked Misa.

"Yes you did," said Crowtar, with a wink at the pair.

"Anyway, on to business! This story hasn't progressed at all in ages! We need to get you lot scurrying along!" said a Stiney that suddenly looked rather imposing.

"What about—"

"Our evil plan to incite yaoiocity coming the fruition doesn't count, Light! We refer to your being in the same place for so long! You are all going to Salt Lake City to spend some time with the Mormons!"

"But we just passed that exit!" said Rem.

"Do you really think that'll stop _me_?" cackled Crowtar, who then assaulted Rem in the driver's seat. After much swerving and almost being flattened by a massive truck that seemed to be hauling chickens, the fairy was in control of the van and was zooming down the highway, at top speed, against traffic.

Upon arriving at the exit to Salt Lake City, the fairy made a vicious U turn – more like a V turn – and began swerving along toward the city. That is until they reached traffic, thus forcing Crowtar to pull off the high way, through the woods, and onto 'the back way.'

"This is where we disappear guys, my driving isn't built for these roads," said the fairy after pulling over.

"Your driving isn't made for the autobahn you psycho! You could've killed us all!" scolded Near.

"Shut up sheep, you're just jealous," said the fairy before disappearing with a flick of her wand. After the plot fairies left, control o f the van was left to the mercy of Misa Amane. Mistakenly, all nine of our heroes thought all was well, until Matsuda and Ryuk demanded they get off at the next exit for Taco

"I _told _you we shouldn't let Misa drive!" grumbled a chocolate deprived Mello.

"Don't worry, Grumpy-Kun! Misa-Misa has a very good sense of direction! We're just going the long way!" said the cheery model.

"See, she knows what she's doing, I'll bet this is even a short cut!" said Matsuda.

"I'll take that bet," said L from the very back of the van where he and Light were having a match of epic tennis on Matt's 2 spare DSs.

Suddenly, Ryuk yelled, "Look out, Misa! There's a key in the road!"

Misa swerved, missed the offending barrel o' booze, and kept driving until…

"Oh my god, turn around! That was a _keg_!"

Soon the gang's van was pulled up beside the keg, reveling in its beauty. Matt could have sworn it glowed with an ethereal iridescence.

"Well, it's a keg. Now what?" asked the ever monotone Near.

"Hell yea it's a keg!" said Mello.

"A keg full of beer…" said Matt.

"Yea, unclaimed beer…" said Light.

"And we found it, so it's ours!" exclaimed L, being the first to realize this magical fact.

Within seconds, they had it rolled into the back of the Big Blue Whale and were charging away to Salt Lake City. Two hours later, Ryuk made an awful realization after they got it up to their room, "There's no tap!"

"You're right… Yagami, Matt, go buy one!" commanded Mello.

"How are we gonna find a beer tap in a city overrun with _Mormons_?!" asked Light.

"Just come on, man. I'm sure it's not as bad as every one says." Matt said as he dragged his fetching partner out the door.

"Ok, it's as bad as everyone says." Sighed Matt after he and Light found their third liquer store being surrounded by Mormons with picket signs.

"I say we go in anyway!" declared Light.

"What if they brandish things?"

"We ignore it."

"What if they brandish chickens?"

"…Just come on."

And so the two charged through the horde of Mormons, retrieved the beer tap, and ran all the back to the hotel, waving it around in the air as if they'd found the holy grail. Or at least they tried to. Matt got tired after a block. Thus began the soul searching.

"So how'd you and L get together, anyway?"

"You know, you've been here the whole time. The damn plot fairies did it."

"I don't think it was all them. I know it wasn't. You two _so_ liked each other before the nine of us even moved to America."

"Was it that obvious?" Light was so startled by the extent of the gamer's knowledge that he almost dropped their precious tap.

"Probably not to L, being as socially retarded as he is. The others probably knew something was up, they just didn't know what, but I've always been able to read people extremely well. It's probably why I'm so good with Mello and his mood swings."

"You know, that's something I've been wondering about. How'd you and Mello hook up? You're such an unlikely pair, even as friends."

"We grew up together in the same orphanage as Near and L. As a kid I was just like him, and he hasn't changed a bit. I've known him for as long as I can remember."

"So you've been best friends your entire life?"

"Yep, BFF. Literally."

"Coolio."

"Did you just say 'coolio'?"

"That I did, Matt, that I did. Please punch me in the face if I ever do again."

"Will do," laughed the gamer,"Hey Light?"

"Yea?"

Where the hell are we?"

"Good question."

Upon realizing that they were indeed hopelessly lost in Salt Lake City, they but their monsterous brains together and thought up a plan.

"L, we're lost. Save us."

The detective sighed deeply into his cell phone, proclaimed that the two of them were forever banned from errand running, then hunted them down using the tracking device he'd had installed in Light's shoulder.

"Come along you defenseless mollusks," said L upon finding the two of them curled up in a pitiful ball on the curb like damp kittens.

"…mollusks…?"

"Yes, you are both mollusks. I shall tell you why in a few days once I figure it out myself."

"L, I think spending so much time with us had made you even crazier than before," laughed Light as he and Matt picked themselves up off the curb.

"Light-Chan, what are you doing to my arm?" asked L after the first few blocks.

"Clinging," came Light's muffled reply from where he'd buried his face in L's arm.

"Well aren't you being sweet tonight. What do you want?"

"Panda-Chan! How could you say such a thing? Matt, pinch him for his insolence!"

"3 percent Kira-Chan, 3 percent."

"L! How is pinching a Kira-like behavior?" asked Light.

"Yea, it's almost as if you're grasping at straws with the percentage thing," added Matt.

"I know, the only reason I still do it is so I can mess with ya!" said L, who then proceeded to catch Light in a head-lock and ruffle his hair.

"Aww, now you guys look like twins."

"Shut up Matt!"

"That wasn't me…"

At this, the three stopped dead in their tracks and paled significantly – yes, including L – then the trio hissed, "Plot fairies."

Suddenly, an evil cackling filled the hair a heavy mist flooded the street on all sides. The three, following their cluster instinct, latched on to each other and quivered in terror. All in all, it was quite like an episode of Scooby-Doo.

A small, dark shape began to emerge from the mist and the cackling grew louder.

"I bet it's Stiney," whispered Matt through chattering teeth.

"No, it's gotta be Crowtar, Stiney's not evil enough for this."

"No, wait it's… the replacement!"

"That's right boys! It is I: Mastrkrak!"

"…Where do you girls get these names?!"

"Nobody knows, not even us. Regardless, Stiney and Crowtar sent me to screw up your little errand, and from the looks on your faces, the mission was a success."

"Actually it wasn't, you dolt! You were just supposed to mess with 'em, not scare 'em shitless!" squaked Crowtar who had appeared from nowhere – again.

"I thought I was the fairy of terror."

"No, you're the fairy of mind fuck."

"Isn't that your job?"

"No, I'm the fairy of pointless silliness!"

"Thought that was Stiney…"

"Stiney's the fairy of yaoi!"

"…Fine then… So, you want me to do things like this instead?" asked Mastrkrak with a wave of her wand.

"…What happened?" asked a worried Light, "aww, shit! I'm in L's body!"

"That's more like it, Mastrkrak! You are dismissed," said Crowtar before poofing her fellow fairy away and turning to the three with a menacing grin.

"I'm in Matt!" L whined.

"Mello's gonna be pissed…" muttered Matt from Light's body.

"That's it you annoying little pixie! Put us back in our bodies or I'll…pull off your wings!" threatened Light.

"NOT A PIXIE!!! For that, no body fixing for you!" screamed the _fairy _before poofing away.

"…Well shit…"

* * *

Well, there you are, chapter 6. if anyone has any ideas on how they get their bodies back, please tell me, it would be much appriciated. Sorry again.


End file.
